jerzgirl

Well, the money I apparently misplaced over the weekend I found today when I wasn’t looking for it. I was upset that I had apparently lost it, but I was sure it hadn’t left the apartment. I just didn’t know where it was and hoped it wasn’t in the trash. It turns out I had put it in between two books on my secretary in the hall. I found it when I was looking for something else. That’s usually how it is - I find things when I give up looking for them. Which is good, because I went out to dinner and didn’t have my debit card with me, but I did have the cash. Whew!And, Tom and I have decided to go away to Cape Cod next weekend. We’ll leave early on Friday and return on the following Monday - which ought to be nice because we’ll take a long weekend when others aren’t. It won’t be nearly as crowded that way. Two whole days on the cape. Plus - my daughter has agreed to go with us. She needs some time away, too. Her boyfriend takes weekends away with his guy friends, but she never gets away for herself. So, if she can work some extra hours, she won’t lose too much money taking the time off (she doesn’t get any benefits). She’s never been there and I know she’ll like it. It’s just so….I don’t know….not quite peaceful, yet there is that. The overall atmosphere is so relaxing. There are minstrels who play in the town square (I like that they’re not considered vagrants or beggars - they’re entertainers who provide atmosphere at no cost to the city.) The town there is also pet friendly with water dishes placed strategically around town for those who come with their pets (mostly dogs). You can’t get seafood any fresher than here. And, it’s not as hot on the cape as it is back home near Philly. I really do enjoy it there, so I want to go while I can afford to get away. It might be a while before it happens again.Now I just need to arrange for someone to feed the three cats. Maybe Deb’s boyfriend - he has a key, after all. He could stay here and the one cat knows him very well. We shall see.

Five months ago today, I lost my mother to congestive heart failure brought on by end stage emphysema and a fall that broke some ribs only 19 days earlier on her 92nd birthday.  It has been a very bumpy ride since then.

My cousin, who was Mom’s power of attorney and then her estate administrator gave me until the end of January to be out of her house.  We buried her on January 3. Her funeral was very nice.  It took place at the small church where she attended when she was able.  Her parents and grandparents as well as my father’s grandparents and great-grandparents are buried there.  Dad’s great-grandfather was a circuit minister there three times in the 1800s.  The church was packed with people wanting to say goodbye to my mother.  I wish the church was that full on Sundays!!  We had a memorial vault in which Mom’s ashes went as well as some memorials to her life.  We handed out flowers for people to lay on the grave.  And, despite it being winter, the day was clear and not overly cold - it turned out to be a perfect day.  A luncheon was held at the companion church because it had a community room the little country church didn’t have.  So many were in attendance - except my cousin and his family.  Despite the announcement at the funeral, he claimed he didn’t know about the luncheon.  Nor did anyone else until that day (other than those who stepped in to help out).  That was really the only dark spot on a bright, albeit, somber day.  

A display of photos of Mom’s life were set up at the luncheon site so people could get an overview of Mom’s life from infancy to old age.  It just really turned out to be a very nice day that I know Mom would have thoroughly enjoyed because of the people and the camaraderie on display.

I didn’t have much help or the ability to get everything out of the house that I had inherited.  A friend loaned me the use of her two children and their friends so I could get the antiques and the organ out along with the bedroom set, but after that I was on my own.  I ended up losing the washer, dryer, dishwasher and the wardrobe that Mom used for her clothes that I wasn’t able to get out before March.  But, what didn’t fit in the apartment is now in a storage unit with more in my landlord’s shed (with him begging us to find a new location).  In the meantime, I’m waiting for the cash settlement on the estate so that I can afford to enlarge the storage unit to fit all the other items.Some of the household goods I gave to my daughter and a few I gave to my son who lives 2300 miles away.  My daughter now has a Wurlitzer organ, a dining room set, and my mother’s rocker recliner.  I gave her half of Mom’s Tupperware (the woman had so much!!)  I kept the kitchen table and chairs, Mom’s bedroom set, her cedar chest, the antique rocker recliner, the antique china cabinet, an antique table and all the contents of the kitchen cabinets and china cabinets.  Lots of incidentals as well.  This was after we had a quickly scheduled estate sale trying to sell off a lot of antique glassware and cookware.  I wasn’t able to sell the antique upright piano or the 30s gas stove or the old farmstead cast iron porcelainized kitchen sink.  Mom and Dad had consolidated her father’s estate items into our home after Benny passed in 1959.  They still had them and still used them.  Nothing went to waste in my family.

At any rate, I am back and I hope to be a regular again here.   It’s been a long, surreal experience these past few months.  Although I’m glad I was there, I hope to never go through it again.

What to do, what to do.  I’m being kicked out of my own apartment by my daughter who plans to make dinner for her “lovemuffin”.  All I can say is that they’d better not make it a late-nighter ’cause I want to come home BEFORE the witching hour - or I will become one myself.  I have nowhere to hang out that late, so I hope she has some courtesy for dear “not-so-old” Mom.

 Going out tonight, I think, with my guy friend to a place called “Blue Eyes” - a pricey bistro that celebrates the Rat Pack and its members.  They do have a couple of martinis I’d like to try, but at $8 a pop, they’re a bit out of my league.  Even the steaks are too much for me - the cheapest being $24 and it isn’t a steak I like.  If you want salad, it’s another $3 for a wedge of lettuce.  WTF???  I’ll probably end up getting liquored coffee because that’s only $4, so I can have my coffee and my drink all on one, plus whipped cream.  I don’t like that places charge for being trendy.  It’s just not worth the price hike for me. 

Anyway - I’ll probably go out on Valentine’s Day as well - unfortunately, with the evil twin along for the ride.  God, he annoys me!!!  Can’t wait until he moves to St. Louis and begins his newest attempt at being macho.  He’s one of those people who keeps doing the same thing over and over again, even though they fail time and time again.  He never changes - always does the same stupid stuff the same stupid way.  A therapist told me maybe he annoys me because he’s too much like me.  Now - THAT scares the hell out of me!!!  Because there may be more truth in that than I want to admit.

We ended up going to a different place - probably should have gone to the first place.  The bill at the second one was $71 AFTER our coupon!!  Good heavens!!!  But, it sure was good!  Pulled pork, pulled chicken and the most tender slices of filet I’ve ever had!  Grilled zucchini, mac and cheese, onion soup, a cocktail, and bread pudding for dessert.  The problem was that everything they serve is ‘ala carte’ meaning nothing comes with anything!  You pay for every single item you order separately. 

I know it seems I dropped off the face of the planet, but in a way I did.  On December 29, 2008, my mother, whose caretaker I was, passed away after suffering a fall on her 92nd birthday that created too much stress and trauma for her damaged heart to bear.  I was with her at her moment of passing and I have been living my own version of “The Surreal Life” ever since.

 Since her passing, I have learned that she not only changed her will to make my cousin her executor, but she removed my children as heirs and left 35% of the estate to this same cousin.  I had lived with her for over a year and she left me the entire contents of the home, but my cousin wanted me out of the house in a month - I had to sort through several lifetimes of possessions and be gone in his time frame.  I didn’t succeed and he wasn’t happy, but I’m at the point where I don’t much care.  I was so angry when I learned that she hadn’t left my kids a single dime (her only grandchildren from her only child) and I’ve been doing a slow, seething burn ever since. 

 He had given me information on storage units, but he never once said the estate would pay.  I had told him I needed help moving (to which he said, before my breath had even finished the thought, “not me!”) because I didn’t want the antiques I planned on keeping broken.  I wanted to hire a professional mover and asked if the estate would pay for that.  He never answered me.  Instead he gave me prices for a storage unit.  Well, there wasn’t a Public Storage near my apartment and I wasn’t about to have volunteers move part of my stuff to one town and the rest to another, so I got a unit near my apartment and we moved as much as we could to both places in one trip.  I’ve been trying to sell the rest, but not as successfully as I had hoped. 

 There’s still so much to clean up, so much to pack up, so much to divide and conquer, as it were.  No room at the apartment, yet some stuff I’m not willing to part with.  It’s just so difficult.  Then he shows up and says, the estate will pay for storage for 3 months so you can sort it out.  I just looked at him stunned, like, “where the hell was this information a month ago???”  He was upset that I hadn’t already moved everything out - but, he never answered if the estate would help pay for anything and I’m not employed, so I obviously can’t afford to store it except short term, so how could I have known?  To my knowledge, mind reading isn’t a trait known in our family, so how the hell did he expect me to know this information he was only NOW giving me??? 

 At any rate, it has come to this - I have a car sitting that I can’t drive because even though I asked for money to fix it, he didn’t think I needed any money yet, so he never provided any (despite the fact that I even called the lawyer to ask about it and he still didn’t get a clue).  So, finally, I have the first installment on my inheritance and can use that to buy the parts for my car.  I traded my old car to someone who will put new brakes in my current car so I can again get back out on the road.  Thank God my daughter knows people who have skills because I sure don’t.  I will be able to rent another storage unit in which to place all the items I am unable to sell at one more yard sale I plan to have to try to clear out the house’s contents. 

My daughter and I have divided most of the property between us.  If her brother were closer, he could get the furniture I plan to sell, but it’s difficult to ship a sofa bed and a bedroom set across country.  It’s going to be hard enough sending a set of china out to him.  The small porcelain demitasse set by Noritake that I sent broke during shipment - how can I expect a service for eight plus all serving dishes to get there intact?? 

My daughter got the dining room set, curio cabinet, Mom’s organ and Mom’s rocker recliner.  I got the antiques - the 100+ yr old china cabinet, the kitchen serving cabinet from the farm house and the platform rocker from the mid 1800s.  There’s also a 110 yr old piano in the basement I have YET to find a taker for, yet it is in pristine condition!  All they have to do is get it out of the basement.  I’m not even asking for money.  I just want someone to love it.  There is also an antique gas stove, farmhouse sink, a washer and dryer, etc. that I could keep if I wanted to, but where would I put it all?  I’m in an upstairs apartment that is already full of the furniture we’ve brought.  We can’t fit the stuff in storage - how can we fit all of that?  Plus all the incidentals like glassware, pots, pans, humidifier, de-humidifier, etc etc etc.  It’s just so overwhelming - and cousin dearest is upset it’s not already cleared out?  Give me a flippin’ break!!  You’re not willing to help me, yet I’m in the wrong because I can’t get it done overnight.  My fat ass!  You, who has a fully paid retirement home in the Blue Ridge Mountains gets over 1/3 of my mother’s estate while I, who hasn’t worked in a year, who lived with her taking care of her, gets chastised because I can’t move everything on my own with no money???  Please - someone tell me why I shouldn’t be upset.  Tell me why I shouldn’t feel hurt by my mother’s actions….and HIS inactions.  Why am I the bad guy in this? 

 I’m just glad I have places like this to unload my frustrations.  Maybe it’s not a perfect solution, but it sure beats breaking things around the house (although I have a lot more things to break, now, don’t I?)

All summer long, Shady would sleep under the lilac bush or the dogwood tree in the front yard. She was so deep in sleep, our neighbor actually though she was dead and came to check on her. I don’t know why she chose the front yard, but she did. Then, when it got colder, she would come in and sleep in front of the heater vent. That is, until we put the Christmas tree up.

After the first day the tree was up, I noticed that Shady wasn’t in her usual spots (any one of three heater vents). In fact, she had recently begun sleeping next to the vacuum with her head on the base of the vacuum right next to the vent. She’s an odd one. But, I couldn’t find her - not by any vent, not in the bathroom where her water is, not in either of the bedrooms, not on any of the chairs. I had no idea where she’d gone. It wasn’t until Christmas Eve day that I realized where she was as I was arranging things under the tree. There was Shady, lying contentedly and sleeping soundly, under the tree the same as she did outside. Obviously, she made a connection, but I have no idea what it is about a tree that she likes. She doesn’t climb them or scratch them. Maybe it’s like a kitty security blanket.

Now Chloe, she’s always been a cat who simply didn’t like cat toys. She didn’t give a hoot about catnip or mousies or anything. She did, however, love taking huge bites out of rolls of toilet paper (did that again recently), eating paper bags, opening cupboard doors and drawers in order to get attention and, most oddly, going crazy over a pair of string bikinis that my daughter had. I tried using a feather toy on a stick to play with her, but she was afraid of it. But, if you even began to move that pair of underwear, she’d go crazy, jumping on it, chasing it, jumping in the air for it. It was funny to watch her - her eyes almost glowing with excitement like Shady’s used to do with the horned toad.

So it was with great incertitude that I bought a stocking full of kitty toys for both cats and divvied them up between the two stockings I had bought for them. I knew which stocking was for whom and set them on either side of the tree. On Christmas Eve, while I was sitting and talking with Mom’s social worker, I could hear the jingle, jingle, jingle of the balls I had put in both stockings (there were also catnip mice and, for Shady, a bag of catnip). I turn around to see Chloe pulling out HER stocking and trying to get things out of it. I called her a bad kitty and put the stocking back. Her ears went down and she left the room. As soon as I was engaged in conversation again, I heard the same jingling again. I turned around and this time, she hadn’t dragged it out, but was under the tree herself trying to get things out of it. She managed to get the big catnip mouse out and began to play with it like crazy. I have no idea how she figured out which stocking was hers and I’m even more amazed that she’s having so much fun with this mouse. She’s NEVER before given one thought to playing with or chasing a catnip mouse. But now, if I even pick it up, she gets so excited and tries to grab it from me. When I throw it, she runs after it, grabs it and rolls around the floor with it. It’s amazing to watch only because she has never been this way before! So, I let her have her gift early. Since then, both cats have managed to get some stuff out of their stockings - even Shady seems to know which one is hers. It’s kind of neat because this is the first time since I was a kid that I had stockings for my cats.

Chloe

Sunday morning - Sweet Potato Pancakes

That’s what I made for breakfast this morning. We’d had sweet potato patties a few days ago that I had candied for supper, but I had two patties left that were thawed. So, I decided to add one of them to the pancake batter this morning with a little cinnamon. YUM!! Mom liked them and so did I. I’ve had pumpkin pancakes before, but since sweet potato tastes so much like pumpkin, I decided it might be a good way to use up some of those leftovers. If you ever get the chance, you should try it. I just used “add water” pancake mix and when it was almost the right consistency, I added the patty and mixed it all together. Once it was mixed, I added the cinnamon (pumpkin pie spice would be perfect, but I didn’t have any). Then I made the pancakes. They really were good - and smelled WONDERFUL!!

I had put the bipap mask on Mom again last night as she was looking a bit washed out and was pretty lethargic. A couple hours later, she took it off (I’d rather she didn’t) and wanted a couple cookies and some ice cream. My friend had stopped at the store and bought her some peach ice cream, which she loves. She enjoyed it, but didn’t want the mask back on. She also wanted ice water. She craves ice water. Just loves it. I prefer mine directly from the tap, but she likes hers as cold as she can get it. So, I’ve begun giving her an insulated travel cup so she can keep it on the bed table near her.

After breakfast this morning, Mom had her cat petting therapy with Shady who is willing to stay with her while being petted. Chloe just freaks out about being there. So, I brought Shady in to her before going to get her ice water. When I got back, Shady was lying on Mom’s chest facing her while Mom petted her with both hands. She’s a good cat. She’s back under the tree now.

Well, it’s two days past Christmas and I just finished feeding Mom her lunch. So much for their telling me she was refusing to eat. When you’re blind and nearly deaf, and someone comes in with a food tray while you’re napping and sets it down quietly on the bedside table, it’s not all that hard to realize that what you don’t know is there you’re not going to eat. Combine that with a clear liquid diet they put her on the last two days without explanation, a diet she flat out doesn’t like other than the jello, and you get the appearance of something other than what it is.

As long as she’s been awake and alert, she has eaten well for me. Of course, I know what she likes, and at this stage, I’m not as worried about diet as long as she can enjoy it and chew it. Not only did she eat her lunch of dried beef gravy over toast, but she had peach ice cream for dessert. She ate faux cheerios with dried fruit for breakfast. I try to keep a glass of ice water on her bed table so she can keep herself hydrated.

As she was finishing her ice cream, she asked me where the cats were. Even though she complained initially about their being here, she does love having them around (and, amazingly, Shady has not scratched one piece of furniture, the little wench. She destroyed at least THREE pieces of mine!)

Chloe’s afraid to be up on the bed with Mom. She’s been very anxious since they began bringing in equipment and such for Mom’s homecoming. Follows me around everywhere - needs to be near me, touching me in some way. Usually, if I’m on the stool here typing, she’ll be behind me on the bed and will reach out a paw and touch my arm, almost patting it. So, I give her a reassuring pat in return. Sometimes, she wants to be held, so she’ll walk over on to my lap and I’ll pick her up and drape her over my left shoulder where she’ll stay for up to 30 minutes just purring away. If I lie on the couch, I have a Chloe cat up with me within minutes. If I’m in feeding Mom, Chloe comes in and out, rubbing my legs, chirruping at me. She wants me to leave the room, but I don’t.

Shady, on the other hand, has few fears. She was a desert cat when I got her, living off the kindness of strangers and whatever small rodent or lizard she could catch. She seemed very happy to become a house pet, but her love of chasing “critters” continued. Horned toads fascinated her. She brought one home once - I don’t think she could understand why it wouldn’t die like the other things she caught. Her eyes would be bright and shiny while she watched him scamper about trying to get back outside. Her whole body would quiver with excitement. Now, we weren’t going to let anything happen to him, but it was a hoot watching her reactions to him.

But, Shady also loves people. No matter who comes over, she thinks they’re just waiting to meet her. She loves being in people’s laps. So, after Mom was done with her ice cream and asked me about the cats, I went out to get Shady (who had licked the gravy plate clean by then) and took her in to Mom for some loving. She got right out of my arms on to the bed and as soon as Mom began to pet her, she was in heaven. While Mom was petting her with her left hand, Shady went looking for her right hand so she could “double dip”. That’s right - Shady just can’t get enough. So, Shady was rubbing on Mom’s right hand while Mom’s left hand petted her back. While they were involved in mutually admiring one another, I proceeded to empty Mom’s catheter bag - one of those lovely surprises I hadn’t been prepared for when they brought Mom home. It’s easy enough, though.

Meanwhile, both Mom and Shady were happy with their petting party. Once Mom drifted off to sleep, Shady got down and went back into the living room.

Which brings up another topic…

To be posted tomorrow.

Shady

I’ve seen a lot of discussions about who got what from or for whom, what did they like, what did they hate, and similar. One set of questions really made me think and that was, what was the best gift you received and what gift did you give that was really from the heart?

Although I responded, I decided the topic was one I wanted to talk about here as well.

I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t received a gift they didn’t like at some point, regardless of the reason for the gift. Most people are gracious and appreciate the thought, even if the gift wasn’t a good one. Whether or not you re-gift kind of depends on what kind of gift it is and how often you see that particular giver.

I re-gifted a couple of things I received from someone because I just didn’t want him giving me gifts. But, I can’t destroy things. I think that’s more cruel than re-gifting. If I think the gift is decent, I try to make sure it has a good home with someone who WILL appreciate it. In my case, it was my granddaughter - she received a collectible porcelain red-headed doll dressed in traditional Irish clothing. I thought it was appropriate because her mother, both grandmothers and all her aunts and uncles on her mother’s side are redheads. I also sent her a little ceramic kitten from Bruge - as much as I like cats, it always reminded me of the giver and I didn’t want that reminder. So, I found it a good home with a little girl who would love having a little kitten to look at.

This year, however, was a bit more difficult with regard to gifts. My income is dramatically decreased because of no employment all year and my mother’s illness made me hesitant to give her any gift she truly can’t use or enjoy. So, therein lies my realization of the best gift and the true gift of the heart.

The best gift I have received this year has been my mother’s being home for Christmas. Her disease is so far advanced, her last hospitalization could have been her final. She’s ill enough that she is on hospice care. So, it’s a bittersweet knowledge that coincides with the joy of her coming home. Her arrival came with no bows or pretty paper, loads of medical equipment and medications, lots of paperwork to sign, but it’s still by far the best gift I could have had.

As for my gift of the heart, that would have to be my caring for her; not to pat myself on the back, because I know others could do a better job, but I WANT to do this. I know hospice will be helping me, but they aren’t here 24/7, so it’s mainly me. I can’t see (and don’t want) anyone else doing this. I know my daughter will help when she can, but Mom has come to my rescue more than once throughout my life - now it’s my turn. How could I NOT give this to her?

So, there it is - sometimes, it IS all about the gifts. And, sometimes, the intangible gifts are the best kind of all.

Mom came home from the hospital on Sunday.  She was alert, although occasionally confused, all of Sunday and most of Monday.  Her clarity was improved by Monday night.  When she indicated she had some pain, I gave her a Percocet, as permitted, to ease the pain and help her sleep.  She was fully alert at that point.

Tuesday morning came and I made the dried beef gravy Mom and I had agreed on for the morning.  I went in to wake her and she was incoherent and far from alert.  I decided it was time to put her bipap mask on.  The entire time I was putting it on her, I was apologizing because I know it’s uncomfortable and I know her skin is tender, so any little pressure hurts.

I went to the kitchen and had my own breakfast since it was made and she wasn’t able to eat yet.  When I walked back down the hallway, I found that she had pushed the mask off her face.  I went back in and told her she’d have to put it back on, that it was the only thing that would help her if she wanted to get up to eat.  She didn’t fight me and this time it stayed.

The mask was back on again and I waited - and waited - and waited.  At one point, an alarm went off - I didn’t know what I was hearing at first.  But, it was the bipap machine beeping - reasons unknown because I hadn’t been told there was an alarm on the machine and none of the documents they left told me anything about the machine itself - just about the mask.   As I was checking her to make sure she was breathing, the alarm stopped.  I re-checked her and left the room.

I spent most of the time either working online posting discussions or reviews or in the livingroom watching television.  I periodically checked on Mom just to see what her level of alertness was.

Then, I heard the alarm again - I now knew it was the bipap machine, so I went into her room and found that she had again removed the mask, this time entirely.  So, I shut off the machine and re-connected her to her concentrator with the nasal cannula - the two pronged hose that inserts in each nostril.  I wasn’t going to fight with her about the mask.  I left her sleeping or whatever state it was that she was in - she was still unresponsive.

Several hours later, she felt very cold.  I covered her with several light weight blankets and shut the window (which I had only opened because her concentrator puts out a lot of heat and had made her room hot).  I decided to put the mask on her again - I dis-connected the cannula and connected the oxygen hose to the bipap machine and then placed the mask on her face.  I adjusted the velcro straps yet again all the while telling her how sorry I was, but that she needed oxygen and this was the only good way to increase her blood oxygen.  She kept it on this time for over three hours.

Around 7PM, I went in to check on Mom once more.  She opened her eyes and reached out for me.  She tried to speak, so I leaned down to lift her mask to be able to hear her.  The words she spoke?  “Is it time to eat yet?”

Hurrah!!  She was awake AND hungry!!  I told her she’d been asleep all day and all night, that I had made breakfast for her, but she never woke up.  She asked me what I had made and when I told her, she immediately said that’s what she wanted.

So, I got her pills she didn’t take that morning, gave them to her, opened a can of nutrition drink and mixed a little sugar-free chocolate syrup with it to change the taste, tasted a piece of bread and reheated the gravy.  She drank half of the nutrition drink and all of the toast and gravy.  But, she didn’t indicate any pain, so I didn’t offer any Percocet.  I want to avoid giving her too much of that kind of medicine.

She just now woke up (a good sign, for sure) and is ready for breakfast.  So, I’ll be ending this and going to make her pancakes and get her a little coffee.

Have a wonderful Holiday, everyone!